Am I cheating?

In one episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Benjamin Sisko tells Worf something that I never understood until now.
"Part of being a captain is knowing when to smile, to make the troops happy. Even when it's the last thing in the world you want to do. Because they're your troops, and you have to take care of them."

I always felt that doing it was cheating those who trust me. I felt that even smiling when I don't feel like smiling was a kind of cheat.
So, when the moment came to start thinking about going to the STICCON as every year since 1988, I felt that I could not cheat on my "troops", on my friends. On you!

So I told you that I didn't feel like going because it was a stress, the smallest of stresses, a stress that - especially now that I'm under treatment - I should endure easily. But a stress nonetheless because Alberto is not living the STICCON with me anymore.
And you started to feel sad. You didn't pushed me, you didn't forced me. You just begged me to allow you to make me enjoy your companionship.
And that's when I understood what Sisko meant.

There's nothing more important that you, my friends - my "troops" is all I have. Especially now that Alberto is not at my side. You are! And even if I think I don't feel like smiling, you will make me feel like smiling again. This is the trick! By taking care of my troops I will be taking care of myself.
Going to the STICCON may be the last thing in the world I want to do, but part of being a captain is knowing when to smile, to make the troops happy. Because you're my troops, and you will take care of me.

Here I come, STICCON!

Gabriella