Distractions

To be distracted from my nightmare is increasingly difficult. Each day is harder than the day before.
Nothing I do, or say, or watch, or think have lingering effects. As soon as I stop what I'm doing, as soon as chats with friends and family ends, as soon as the movie or episode I'm watching ends... immediately my mind is inundated by this one, huge, terrible nightmare.
The more I strive for distractions, the more my nightmare grows strong. And the worst thing of all is that I know I will never wake up from the nightmare, all my efforts will amount to nothing - Alberto will never live again.