Now I know.
And I know that if Alberto was here, we would be preparing a nice party - only for us or for friends too - to celebrate. Thirty years and 6 of marriage. And since traditionally, the 6th wedding anniversary material is "candy", we would have certainly prepared something very sweet to eat - maybe a huge tray of bomboloni with custard, or a big mille-feuille cake, like the ones Alberto had for his birthday parties!
But, alas, I'm not living in that reality. I live here, in my personal nightmare where my life has gone.
I could be writing about the many things that I didn't like in the past years, months, weeks, days, but that would mean to hurt people I love, to expose friends, and to make my usual and biggest mistake - talk without lying.
I could make a list the many things that happened in these years since I lost my life, I have to remember them in details to tell Alberto when I'll meet him again, but my memory is already forgetting a lot and I'm afraid I will not be able to make the list complete enough.
So I'd rather start a trip...
A trip into another dimension. Into that alternate universe where Alberto still lives. I will be only a visitor, because I don't want to spoil the party to the other Gabriella, the one who's happy, the one who's whole.
I'll watch with my mind's eye, imagining all the wonderful things Alberto and Gabriella will do today. On their happy 10959th day together, trying to forget that in my reality we lived together only 9333 days...
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| June 14th, 2011 Our wedding 24 years after we first met |
