The needs of the many

To almost quote one of the best written Star Trek line, said by Spock in the final original cast movie... "Is it possible that I have grown so old and so inflexible that I have outlived my usefulness?"
My answer is: "Yes, I have!"

Lately my working rhythm has slowed down dramatically, for the very few "real jobs" and for all STIC-related things. I cannot concentrate and I quadrupled the time I spend in writing articles, translate or reading and replying to emails.
And when resentment kicks in, things get worse - resentment for things that I should not resent at all!
Decisions taken without consulting me, people who tell me one thing and then do the opposite, discussion of details that once I felt they were completely unimportant. I feel that whenever I have an idea, the opposite is smoother or cheaper or simply  better!
The logical conclusion is that my attitude is old fashioned, my ideas old and outdated, and I am no longer fit for being a leader (although I doubt I ever was).

So - again following the best Star Trek guidelines "the needs of the many outweight the needs of the few, or the one" - I take a step back and let everybody else, the ones with the better ideas, to take my place. I'll support them without pestering them with my stale and obsolete way of thinking.
Don't ask me why things are going the way they are because I don't know. And if I do, chances are the answers will be the wrong ones.

In the meanwhile I'll cure my frame of mind - first step: psychiatric examination next week.

The longest night

August 13th is and will always be the longest day for me, as this night between January 1st and 2nd is and will always be the longest night.

I can't help but grieve, more than I grieve every day of the year, and listen to some of the songs that better describe my mood...

730 days without you... and counting.

Another year has passed

I had started to write for this blog because I wanted to tell you something before the second year I spent alone was over. I wanted to describe my feelings... but I realised that nothing has truly changed since last year.

If you read what I've written one year ago you'll know what I'm feeling now.

I just have a few addition to make to that.

First of all a huge thank you to those friends who are helping me. Not only the ones who are there with their words or with a pat on my back when I need one. I mean those friends who are actually sending me money each month to pay the bills. Without them I would literally be starving in a cold house.

I would because the person described in this article and who has cheated the people talking in this TV programme... had cheated Alberto and me since 2007 (possibly earlier). That's why I am involved in a trial that will (I hope) end with the total restoration of my fiscal position... but this will happen in many years time. During the first hearing in November the only thing that's been decided was the date of the second hearing, in May! In the meantime I have to repay everything to Equitalia.

The "Ammiragliato Cloud" project has not helped me much. Just a few of those items had been sold. But sooner or later I will learn how to organise a permanent garage sale. A lifetime ago friends came to San Michele to celebrate Alberto's birthday, now I hope people will come to take care of Alberto's things that I have to sell.

My only true hope came about because of Doctor Who! I didn't want to be involved in the supervision of the TV series Italian dubbing but when I was involved as a paid professional, I had to change my mind and do it. I translated the new Capaldi series willingly, don't misunderstand me, but doing it alone (meaning... without Alberto) has been really hard.

Despite that I welcomed the opportunity because it's been the first job I landed in many many months. It's not a steady job (in this very moment I'm again doing absolutely nothing!) but it's a chance. Much better than all those opportunities I read in my constant search for jobs - I think I sent abount 3000 CVs in Italy and abroad so far... to no avail.

Last but not least I want to mention the only thing (beside having friends) who is helping me - the Futura mission of Samantha Cristoforetti! It's hard to enjoy her wonderful log entries knowing that Alberto is not here with me, but I know he would have been so proud! So very proud!

I hope you'll live happy end-of-year holidays. Please don't call me or wish me the same - the only thing you could wish me is for these days to pass as fast as they can!

The Doctor Alberto never knew

This is one of the many things I would have liked to share with Alberto. I wish I could have chatted with him about the new series of Doctor Who, the choice of the actor, the new stories, Clara...

Alberto never knew Clara was not just "the soufflè girl". Never knew Matt Smith left the role, never lived the anticipation for the new name, never had the chance to wait for Peter Capaldi's first appearance.

I will never know what Alberto might think of all this, and I will never have the chance to tell Alberto how much I like this new regeneration, and all the little nuances I loved in his first episode...

Piano.

I am alone now...

Me!

I was talking to the horse!

I am Scottish. I can complain about things.

An egomaniac, needy, game-player sort of person.

Oh, look! He's recharging.

Oh. I hate being wrong in public.

Does that make it different from any other restaurant? You weren't vegetarian the last time
I checked.

I thought you might appreciate a drink first. I know I would.

You probably can't even remember where you got that face from.

What do you think?

I'm right here... standing in front of you. Please, just... just see me.

Some coffee or... chips or... something, or chips and coffee?

Steven Moffat wrote some great lines for the Doctor, and Peter Capaldi delivered them in a great way.
But I know that Alberto would have probably shaken his head if I told him that I like Peter Capaldi's Doctor also because he has grey hair...

#IceBucketChallenge

Challenge accepted!
[Edit: Thanks Paolo, Elena & Elena for your help!]



Donate for ALS (I said asl in the video, sorry!).

I nominate Federica "Stark", my two good Klingon friends Gabriele & Michela and Giank!

[Edit: Oh... I forgot... this is the screenshot of my donation.]

13 agosto 1964

Buon compleanno, amore mio!

Selling again! (Descriptions in Italian)

Alberto's collection will not be touched, as I said earlier, but there are a lot of things that are gathering dust around the house because I don't use them anymore. A few of them are still on this blog, some are on eBay, but some more... well I'd rather have friends to have them. So, priority is to you!
Contact me if you want something.

TV Hanspree 37" HD. Acquistato a febbraio 2008 pagandolo (allora) 499 euro. Senza sintonizzatore interno.
http://www.directtvs.co.uk/Hannspree_37_Inch_LCD_HD_Television_JT02-37E2-000G_/version.asp

Giradischi Stanton. Ha ancora il cartellino del prezzo: 109,00 euro. Completo di testina e puntina.
http://www.djresource.eu/Gearbase/gear/1357/Stanton-STR8-20/

Amplificatore Pioneer stereo, usato per amplificare lo Stanton. http://www.pioneer.eu/it/products/archive/A-209R/page.html

Spade laser giocattolo. Non ho provato a cambiare le batterie interne, ma quella di Vader... si accende ancora e fa sia luce che i suoni.