Another year without music

My life with you has been like being part of an outdoor concert. We were playing together and the music was marvellous. It was pleasing for us before being pleasing to the audience.
We were so happy to play that everything surrounding us was just background noise - the rumbling of storms passing by, the murmurs of people who wasn't listening to our music, the singing of birds attuned to our melody.
Then without a reason, just because destiny was cruel to us, you lost your instrument - your body stood still, not able to express our music anymore.
The wonderful music ended abruptly.

Now I keep playing, but my melody is distorted - just like a chord without a fundamental note. It's not complete. And the background noises have become oppressive, sharp, so overwhelming that I cannot play anymore.
And I wait.
I wait the moment when you will play again with me. I wait trying not to hear the noise of thunderstorms, of uninterested people... I just listen every now and then to birds, trying to give them at least some notes on to which they can sing.

And I will always wait for you.
Happy birthday, Alberto.
All my love, forever and beyond.

I'm almost out of the tunnel

First of all... It's not over yet. I have to go through a series of procedures and wait much longer to be completely free: Italian burocracy walks at a very slow pace and after almost four months I still have not seen a cent.

But last April 14th, finally I had some justice.

Mauro Enea, the financial advisor who cheated on Alberto and me has been sentenced to two years in prison and to refund us 70.000 euro.

Since 2007, he had been taking our money for his own business instead of using - as per our instruction - to pay our taxes.
Thanks to my new financial advisor Alberto Barbagallo, and my lawyer, Lanfranco Sette, both in Latisana, I was able to have justice. My complaint was taken more than seriously by the Carabinieri and despite some prorogues, the judge was strong in his sentence.

April 14th had been a testing day for me - and it's been an effort not to crush under the tension. Tears were in my eyes all the time, and after the sentence I went to the bathroom and cried loudly for some time.

Besides the final act of this long trial, I had another emotional moment. While we were waiting for the judge to decide the sentence, my lawyer asked me why I was still not able to go on with my life.
The only answer I could give was "It's not easy because I'm still madly in love with Alberto!"

Nothing will bring him back to me, and my wound will never be healed, but now I can look forward to transform our house into a museum to remember everything Alberto was and did in life.

Not in the next few months, maybe not in the next few years. But I will...

26 with you, too many without

I wanted to post a very long dissertation today, about the lack of a purpose in my life.

But there is no need for long explanations - living with Alberto, supporting him in life and work and hobbies was my purpose.
Now I have no purpose, no goal to reach.
That's it.

I'm drifting in life, following the streams of others, striving just to keep my friends and my family out of my abyss.
And trying every day to distract my mind from the only thought that matters - Alberto is not here. And he will be nevermore.

Today would have been our 29th anniversary. It's just the fourth time I spend it alone.
Period.

See... no longer explanations needed.

Dublin - London

I was about to write a long and possibly dry report on my days looking for a job in the British Islands, but then I though that I'd better talk about the bright side of that trip instead of dwelling upon possibilities that never became reality.
Maybe, who knows?, in the future I will write this blog from there, as it was meant to be since the beginning on my adventure on Blogger!

In the meanwhile, though, I want to share with you some of the beauty I found there.

Much of the positive feelings I felt there, came from my wonderful and supporting family - my brother Paolo, my sister Pam (she is a sister in law, but for me it's a sister, period!) and my talented niece Isobel. Oh... and a cute and funny black cat, Viotto.
My friends from Italy remained in contact through this beautiful thing that social networking is - I managed to say "Hi" to all those attending the Reunion and that was one of my highlights there!
But before that I was a more than welcomed guest in Milan, thank you Chiara, thank you Luca! Thank you all of you who let me enjoy your happiness!
And after that I met Elisa (thank you!) and Robert, my older cousin, who I haven't seen in almost twenty years.

I felt other positive emotions while I was away - between interviews and travels from one side of the towns to the other looking for jobs, I took pictures with Alberto's camera.

So here are some of those pictures, the most significant to me. I love the colours of Nature and Man, with or without sunshine!

A Leopardstown crow.

A small magpie on the LUAS rails.

Hidden Dublin - I don't exactly remember whar this wonderful glass facade is. But i'ts worth looking for!

Unusual Dublin - Ashton Quay from Bachelors Walk. Among the seagulls you can see Forbidden Planet on the other side of the River Liffey.

A proud Dublin seagull stand guard to the Ha'penny Bridge.

Hidden Dublin - the red brick walled Bachelors Way.

Unusual Dublin - the walkway near the River Dodder, Milltown.

Unusual Dublin - closer to the River Dodder.

Unusual Dublin - This is in the middel of Milltown!

Dublin Mountains from inside LUAS.

LUAS stop of Ballyogan Wood, the city limits... beyond there's more city, though!

 

Unusual London - Pidgeons wait in queue in Hyde Park.

Unusual London - Ducks watches bystanders in Hyde Park.

A usual Hide Park scene - feeding the squirrel!

The squirrel closer...

The closest to the squirrel I could go.

Usual London - Christmassy Neal's Yard

Hidden London - A crow (I think!) in a park near East Acton.

Hidden London - A big-headed magpie in the same park.

East Acton station, the last picture of my trip.

Missing Mac

He's been Nedda's and mine house cat, loved and well cared for. Mac was his name, although I simply called him "Gatto", 'cause he reminded me of Shrek Puss in Boots. He was gentle, trusting and loved people.

He's been probably poisoned over a week ago. By the very people he probably trusted. He lived less than two years, but he had fun... ooh, yes he had!

Doctor Who (with a bit of Star Trek) in Lucca

September 23rd
I received a phone call from RAI 4. Massimiliano told me wanted me to be the host of a panel for the launch of Doctor Who's ninth season at Lucca Comics & Games. I accepted.
A few days later more details came in - and finally...

October 9th
... the word was out - I'd be host of a Q&A with none other than Steven Moffat and Jamie Mathieson. I was honoured beyond belief.

October 30th
For the launch of the ninth series, which will air next year on RAI4 starting January 3rd, another event has been organized: the preview of the first episode dubbed in Italian.
That's what I worked hard for, that's why I went to Multimedia Network in Rome last September. That's why I had to keep the secret for such a long time!

Being in the theatre must have not been easy for Steven Moffat, especially because, after his own introduction, he watched the first few minutes of his episode with an audience of Whovians who speak another language. It was certainly not easy for me, being accountable for those very Italian lines.

So, it was good to see the audience with their sonic screwdrivers lit during the opening titles. It was good to hear the cheers when Missy appears, the roars when Peter Capaldi makes his grand entrance playing the guitar. And I appreciated the laughter when my Italian equivalent for "Dudes" was heard for the first time!

For "Dude" I had to resort to some anachronistic slang word,
short enough and funny enough! Hence... Bellazio!
Multimedia's professionals accepted my suggestion and there it was!

But make no mistakes, I'm not the one who organized everything in Lucca. The Doctor Who Italian Club was, managing the queues, the flash mobs and all the fan activities. There were a lot of fans - more than I expected (and I had high expectations!) - who cosplayed Doctor Who characters for hours while waiting to enter the theatre and the next day...

October 31st
... waiting to enter the auditorium for the panel. So many people for too few seats, so many whovians had to stand at the back of the hall, and many more had to stay outside, peeking from the open doors.
I broke the ice of the Q&A with two of my questions and then people had so many interesting questions that the 40 minutes allotted past by in a flash!
Steven Moffat took a picture of a "Missy" (one of the many!) and promised to send it to Michelle Gomez. He also took a selfie with him and Jamie Mathieson in front of the whole audience. But the best part was when Steven asked us to voice the name "Capaldi"... with our proper Italian pronunciation!

Personally I had the chance to talk with Moffat and Mathieson for just a few minutes, before and after the Q&A, and my impression was of two men positively surprised of the quantity of Italian Whovians and the quality of their knowledge of the series.

I wished to have been able to present a brief history of our Italian Doctor Who fandom, but I didn’t wanted to steal the show. So I’m taking the chance here to thank...
- my great group, Doctor Who Hermits United for being such a nice bunch of people, specifically Ennio, Federica, Elena, Chiara & Michela,
- Fabio, for his “battaglia a suon di metallo” (credits go where credits are due!),
- Doctor-Who.it, that is Francesco “Laz” and his "companions", who do a really good job with their amateur subtitles,
- and last but not least, Doctor Who Italian Club whose members, as I already said, have been constantly busy in organizing people around the town!

The frenzy was over sooner than I thought. I closed the Doctor Who chapter and opened the Star Trek one. Unfortunately, on the Saturday afternoon and evening, my staying at the Ultimo Avamposto / STIC-AL's stand was brief due to a fierce headache that forced me to return to my hotel in Viareggio earlier than I wished.

November 1st
My last day in Lucca I spent it with friends, in queue for a meal and for most of the afternoon at Ultimo Avamposto / STIC-AL's stand. My Star Trek reboot costume was a red shirt (Scotty's in my mind), but very few seemed to notice.
Maybe next year, when celebrations for the 50th anniversary of the franchise will be travelling at warp ten, there will be more trekkers around.

As a footnote, I wish to give a huge thank you to BBC, RAI 4 and Multimedia Network for trusting me with their franchise. I worked (and I’m still working) to the best of my abilities for Doctor Who!
As I had done (and, who knows, maybe I'll do) for Star Trek!

I haven't covered everything in this brief report. But if you ask me, I'll edit this post to reply to your queries!

A song in my head

I'm slowly absorbing the news
the worst nightmare
within the nightmare.
I'm not sure for how long I will be able
to fake a smile, so I better write it down.
A reminder for the future.
I have to endure!
I have to go on!
I can't escape this!
Don't ask.
I won't tell.
Don't ask.
I won't tell.
Don't ask.
I won't tell.